Of Objects and Such
by KiraSakura
Summary: .x. Series of drabbles and oneshots .x. RikuSora .x. AkuRoku .x. LeonCloud .x. ZexionDemyx .x. TerraVen .x. COMPLETE .x.
1. Object Number One: Seed

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: …beany love?

Words: 510

Random Object Number One: Seed

Rating: K

Author's Notes: I felt like it. I'm planning on fifteen chapters. Give me random objects.

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"Ok, class, today we're going to grow beans!" The teacher announced to the grade one class. The small children burst into a series of cheers, giggling with excitement when the egg cartons, cotton wool and seeds were passed around. Each child stuffed some of the fluffy wool into a space, gingerly placing the seed in the mass of white, and sprinkled some water on it. Over the course of the next few weeks, everyone watched as their beans sprouted, until the day to take them home came around. Every bean had grown a little, the small green plant spoking up from the white fluff. All but one, that is.

"Why won't it grow?" Little Sora whispered feebly, staring at his egg carton. He wished a small, green plant would pop up, but nothing happened. He could feel tears prickling at the back of his bright blue eyes, and he glanced over to where everyone stood, crowding around the little silver-haired boy whose seed had grown the most. Aquamarine-green eyes looked proud as little Riku watered his plant with care, smiling broadly when little Axel said in a whiney voice, "I wish _mine_ was that big"

Little Roxas, who sat next to Axel, said in an innocent tone, "But yours _is_ big, Axel. _I_ like it"

Axel smiled, and pulled Roxas into a hug, gushing, "Really? You really like it?"

Roxas nodded, and awkwardly patted Axel's hair, saying, "Uh huh. It's _really_ big"

Riku rolled his eyes, and looked over Sora's way. The small boy had tears in his eyes s he stared at his non-existent bean. His bottom lip was sticking out, and he was sniffling, trying not to cry. Riku felt a pang of pity, and came to a decision. Picking up his little bean, he walked over to where Sora sat. Sora looked up, and blinked. Riku smiled, and held out the sprout.

"Do you want it?" Riku asked, cocking his head to the side. Sora blinked again, and said, willing his voice not to crack, "B--but its y--your bean"

Riku shrugged, and sat down next to the spiky hair brunette. "So? It'll probably die if I take it home. You'll look after it, right?"

Sora eyes grew large, and he nodded enthusiastically. He took the small plant from Riku's hands with great care, and looking up at the silver-haired youth said, "I'll name him Riku!"

Riku smiled at that, and he said, excited, "Nah uh. You should name him Sora!"

Sora pouted, and replied, "But Riku's a pretty name, Riku"

Riku shook his head, "Sora"

"Riku"

"Sora"

Both boys paused, and then Sora said, softly, "How about Little Bean?"

Riku blinked, and then, grinning, answered, "You have to look after Little Bean, Sora"

--

"Good morning Little Bean" Twenty-nine-year-old Sora greeted. Little Bean was actually Little Bean XIII, but he didn't care. He watered the plant, and smiled when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist. Riku smiled, and said, "Yeah. Morning Little Bean", and he kissed Sora's nape.


	2. Object Number Two: Chocolate

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: Aprons

Words: 786

Random Object Number Two: Chocolate

Rating: T

Author's Notes: japaneserocker (STOP CAPITALIZING THE j!!) suggested 'chocolate'. Next up: Feather Boa, suggested by dearest Ame. Or Broken Vows. Whatever you wanna call her.

---

If there was one thing - one thing at all - that Sora would fight to the death over, that one thing would have to be chocolate. Oh, how Sora loved chocolate. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, strawberry chocolate, chocolate-ship cookies, chocolate syrup, almond chocolate, caramel chocolate. His friends had learned at an early age that to touch Sora's chocolate means death. Or a broken finger. Even Roxas, Sora's twin, wasn't as possessive about chocolate. Then again, Axel was too busy loving Roxas for Roxas to really pay attention to anything.

But, of course, there was also going to be someone who didn't know of Sora's obsession. That person was Riku Tanaka, once-heir to Square Enex recording studios, until he managed to convince his father that his older brother, Kadaj, would be a better manager. Now Riku was pursuing the career he had always wanted: commercial illustration. He was doing quite well for himself, having already have had drawn the cover for the newest Parry Hotter book. But just because he was getting requests for his drawing skills every day didn't mean he knew of the Chocolate Obsession. Yes. With capital letters.

Riku had met Sora five months ago, when he had been reaching for the last bottle of Lemon Squash. Sora, too, had been reaching for the last bottle of Lemon Squash. Three minutes later both boys were out of the grocery store and in Riku's bedroom going at it like the horny rabbits they are. Ahem. Of course, when all his friend's heard Sora was dating Riku, they didn't believe him. And, they had good reason. Riku was one of the most popular boys on campus, while Sora was just your average student trying to make a living by working at the local bookstore where he got obsessed over by little old ladies who insisted that he take them out to dinner. But we won't go into that.

There was that, and the little fact that Riku was one of the coldest, un-caring people around. Of course, he didn't quite measure up to Cloud Strife or Leon Leonhart or Zexion Schemer. Leon only talked to Cloud, and Cloud only talked to Leon. And Zexion only looked at one person, and that was Demyx Nocturne, which was quite confusing, seeing as how Demyx was one of those get to know you people who hated being still. Sora was a little like that, but not as…_bubbly_. At least with knowing Sora you didn't have to wear a helmet half the time.

Of course, dating Riku wasn't all that safe. You had to beware of the press, Riku's stalker, Xehanort, and the fangirls. Of which Kairi and Naminé, Sora's two best friends' since child-hood, were. When asked why they must stalk Sora and Riku pretty much every minute of every day, Kairi had said, "Because, Sora, Riku is, quite frankly, flaming, smoking, three thousands degrees HOT. You are also flaming, smoking and three thousand degrees cute. Add the two and you get a couple of rich, rich fangirls who will make a living offa the two of you"

So half of their day was spent trying to loose the two girls. Said two girls were currently standing outside Riku's apartment doorway, planning the poor soul's funeral.

"YOU _ATE_ MY CHOCOLATE?!" was heard from within, and both girls winced. They glanced at each other, and murmured, "Riku at Sora's chocolate"

Riku's fate was sealed, welded and stapled.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!!"

"OH, HOW COULD YOU NOT MEAN TO _EAT MY CHOCOLATE_!! THAT WAS MY PRECIOUS, EXPENSIVE, CRÈME FILLED ONES WITH RIBBONS OF HAZEL FLAVOURED SAUCE AND COVERED IN A BISCUIT COATING! HOW COULD YOU?!"

And then the door flung open, and Sora stormed out, wearing naught but his shoes and an apron. Please note there was nothing under that apron. Makes one wonder what they were doing.

---

News spread fast of Sora's break up with Riku. Everyone was feeling for Riku, who had become sad, depressed, and even worse than Zexion. And that's saying something. Naminé and Kairi had to do something. The rent was due.

So Naminé, who had become pretty good friends with Riku, sat down next to him and said, "Buy him some of those fancy XIGbar's. He loves those, and since they're really expensive he can never afford them. You'll be back to having sex within the week, and Kai and I won't get kicked out of our apartment"

Three days later a squeal echoed across the campus, along with a shriek of, "Oh, wow! Riku! I absolutely love these! We're back together now, ok? OK! SO LET'S GO HAVE SEX!"

Naminé and Kairi soon became well known for their photos and paintings.


	3. Object Number Three: Feather Boa

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: Crossdressing

Words: 607

Random Object Number Three: Feather Boa

Rating: K plus

Author's Notes: Ame (Broken Vows) suggested Feather Boa. See the Sue reference, girls? _(cackles) _Next up: Braces, by Mentally Insane Fangirl.

1: Don't be stupid and hold your head back. Honestly. Don't do that.

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Riku Tanaka was hard to scare. Fact of the matter was that he was pretty much impassive, except when with his friend's. Last year, for example, when Kairi had flashed everyone when drunk, revealing her push-up bra? No. Riku hadn't even so much as batted an eyelid. Sora had fainted, Tidus had gotten a nosebleed and Wakka realised that females were something to be attracted to. And when Axel had burnt the house down three months ago? Nothing. Riku had calmly dialled 911 on his mobile, while watching Demyx run around and scream, "SAVE SUE! YOU HAVE TO SAVE SUE!!" (Sue was the doll he had gotten when he was eight from a couple of strange girls. He had become oddly attached to the silly thing. Personally, Riku believed they had cursed the thing). After that incident Demyx had moved _in_ with Zexion and his twin brother Ienzo. Ienzo had moved _out_ three days later. Something about Demyx randomly glomping him before realising it wasn't Zexion.

So, why was Riku Tanaka, impassive jerk except when his friends, standing shock still in front of his bedroom door, a small trail of blood making it's way from his nose?

"S--S…S--S…" Riku choked, aquamarine eyes wide and his mouth agape in shock.

"Yes, Riku?"

And _that_, dear readers, was the reason Riku Tanaka, impassive jerk except when his friends, was standing shock still in front of his bedroom door, a small trail of blood making it's way from his nose. Riku tried to speak again, except this time all that came out was, "Whaaaaaa…"

Bright blue eyes blinked owlishly, and the small brunette boy who was standing in Riku's bedroom, dressed in a tight, form-fitting blood red dress with black roses embroidered up the side turned around, and said, "Riku? Are you alright?"

"Gwah…"

Sora stamped a high-heeled foot, and snapped, "Can you _please_ give me a proper answer?"

"Pur-ty…"

Sora blinked, showing soft red eyelids, and pouted, glossy lips poking out and making Riku's nosebleed increase ten-fold.

"Riku! Ohmygosh! You're bleeding!" Sora gasped, finally the noticing the river - not trail - of blood. Sora rushed over to the dressing table, and grabbed a few tissues. He then pushed Riku's head forward(1), and held the tissues under his boyfriend's bleeding nose. Riku took a deep breath, and said in nasal voice, "Qwy bar shoe in a tress?"

Sora shook his head, and replied, "I can't understand you"

Riku opted to tug Sora's dress, and repeated, "Why are you in a dress?"

Sora smiled brightly, and said, cheerfully, "Because Roxas is taking me to a special uke expo tonight! I guess I forgot to tell you"

"O--Oh"

"I need to go soon. I can't find my feather boa, though" Sora continued. Riku gently slapped Sora's hands from his nose, and stood up straight. He watched as Sora hurried over to the wardrobe, and started to root around in it, until a 'Uh huh!' was heard. Sora stepped away, wrapping a red feather boa around his naked shoulders. He twirled around in front of the mirror a few times, before smiling.

He spun around, and said, "Well?"

Riku's resolve snapped, and he hiked his little uke up over his shoulder and then proceeded to dump him on the bed.

"Ack! NO, RIKU! BAD!" Sora squirmed, trying to get away. Riku grabbed the boa, and tied Sora's wrists up with it. Needless to say, Sora never did get to his expo. Not that he minded. Riku had had some new moves he had wanted to try out, anyway. But the boa was thrown in the trash soon after.


	4. Object Number Four: Braces

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: Selphie

Words: 291

Random Object Number Four: Braces

Rating: K

Author's Notes: This one was suggested by Mentally Insane Fangirl. Next up: Piggy Bank from Raosx!

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Kairi couldn't help it. Upon laying sight upon the two boys, she felt her lungs heave and a giggle escaped. The giggle soon turned into full-scale laughter as she rolled around the floor, clutching her sides, and pretty much howling. The two boys she was currently snorting at sat on the couch, twin glares aimed her way. Well, twin-glares aimed at the patch of carpet next to her. They couldn't turn their heads any further lest they rip their teeth out. And no one wants that. It would mean another trip to the dentists, where they were already going once a month. Both boys had decided that braces were the source of all evil.

Finally, Kairi pulled herself off the floor, and said, gasping for breath, "I _told_ you! I told you two to wait one more week, and then you would've been rid of the things! But _nooooooo_, you just have to make out! Well, look where it got you!"

Riku rolled his eyes, and hissed, "Shut _up_, Dai"

Kairi snorted, and said teasingly, "You can't even say my name!"

"Dai-wiiii…" Sora whined. He turned on The Pout, and whimpered. But the overall effect was lost when Riku sneezed. Both boys' heads jerked down, and Sora got snot all over his face. "Ewwwwwwwwwwww" Sora wrinkled up his nose in disgust.

Kairi frowned, and sighing said, "Ok, ok. I'll go get the pliers. Wait until Selphie hears that you two got your braces meshed together when making out. She'll have a heart attack!"

"Oh, gwad no! Pwease, Dai, don't!" Sora panicked. He waved his hands about, and ended up hitting Riku in the head. Riku growled, and muttered, "She's gonwa do it anyway"

"BUT SELPHIE'S GOING TO SQUEE US TO DEATH!!!!"


	5. Object Number Five: Piggy Bank

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: Killer turnips.

Words: 838

Random Object Number Five: Piggy Bank

Rating: T

Author's Notes: Suggested by Raosx. Next up: Jewellery Box, from Your Vengeful Valentine. Then hot pepper from RavenPaine, then frogs from Shippizle, and then urinals from Disbanded Matrimony. Then we'll hit a road block, unless I get more suggestions.

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When Sora pointed out the thick heavy silver chain and shining crown pendant that sat in the jeweller's window, Riku decided then and there that Sora would be getting that necklace for his thirteenth birthday, which was only one week away. Sora would laugh and hug Riku and say that he was the bestest friend in the world and Riku would bask in Sora's love for a whole five minutes before his mum gave him his new gaming console. Then the group would have cake, and Sora would usher everyone but Riku out, and the two would play 'Way to Dawn', the newest game in the Keyblader series, until Sora's mother called them down for dinner. Then they'd make half-a-ton of popcorn, and drizzle melted chocolate over it, and watch horror movies until the wee hours of the morning. And the all the while Sora would play with his new, shiny necklace, and make Riku feel loved.

But then Riku saw the price tag.

_Disney Royalty Co. Design No. 1128_

_Crown, silver. _

_$155_

Riku was only fourteen. He couldn't earn $155 in a week even if he tried. _Maybe_, he thought, _I could get a job where Brother works! Yeah! They always want new guys! _

But when Riku asked Kadaj if he could work with him, Kadaj had laughed and said, "I don't think you're old enough, Little Brother. I mean, Cid would probably scar your innocent mind"

Riku wondered where Kadaj had conjured up the word innocent. Because, as his three brothers and father knew, Riku was anything but. I mean, you can't be innocent if you have pictures of your entire family with their hair died several shades of bright pink. And that you were one who got their hair that way. In fact, Riku considered bringing out the pictures. But then Loz got home, and Riku decided to see if he could scab any money off him.

But Loz was a selfish, greedy, jerky bastard, and told Riku that, no, he couldn't have any of his money because Loz was saving up for a new car.

So Riku turned to Yazoo. Yazoo had sighed, and patted Riku's head distractedly, whilst saying, "I know Sora is important to you, Little Brother, but isn't $155 a bit much? I mean, he won't get you anything that expensive for your birthday, will he?"

Ah. So _that_ was it was all about.

Riku stamped his foot, and yelled, something he seldom did, "BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!!"

All three brother's looked at him with questioning gazes that seemed to say, 'It isn't?'

And then Riku _pouted_. And that when the three older boys realised that this was, in Riku's mind, serious.

"I don't care if Sora gets me a bad birthday present! I don't care if it equal to what I got him! I just want him to be happy!! And if I get him the necklace then he'll be really, really happy!"

And with that, Riku stormed out the door and went and sat on his island to mope for a bit.

--

When Riku got home, he went straight to his room, ignoring Sephiroth's shouts of, "Get back here! I made dinner, damnit!"

So Riku locked his door. Sephiroth's cooking had a tendency to come to life, after all. Ignoring the inhuman shrieks and screams that floated up the stairs, Riku turned around and noticed something sitting on his bed. Staring at it, he grinned. A little brown ceramic pig with big blue eyes stared back at him, a small piece of paper stuck to its side. Snatching the paper off, Riku read Kadaj's neat handwriting.

_We all chipped in. You'd better start saving for next year, Little Brother._

Riku plucked up the pig, and shook it gently. The distinct 'clink' sound alerted Riku to the coins, and most likely notes, that were encased in the little pig. Well. There one thing to do. Riku wandered over to his closet, and pulling the doors open bent down and started shuffling through a cardboard box. Smiling, he withdrew a hammer stained with a little green blood (killer turnip) and advanced upon the pig, which seemed to cower.

_**SMASH**_

Riku smiled widely when he saw a one hundred dollar bill and a fifty dollar bill sitting amongst the pig's remains.

--

One week later, when Riku came home the next morning, he was surprised to see Loz, Kadaj and Yazoo standing in front of a little mound of dirt. Blinking, he walked over, and asked, "What the heck are you doing?"

Yazoo sniffled, and whimpered, "Father killed Vincent"

Riku paled, and whispered, "No…"

Vincent was the only vegetable that hadn't tried to dismember them. So they had given him a name, and he had become the family pet. Riku had even taken him in for show and tell! And now the little tomato was dead. But Riku couldn't really muster up any sadness. He was too happy. Why?

His lips were still tingling from Sora's thank-you gift.


	6. Object Number Six: Jewellery Box

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: The Lisp of Children

Words: 1218

Random Object Number Six: Jewellery Box

Rating: K

Author's Notes: Suggested by Your Vengeful Valentine. Sorry for the wait, guys. Things have just been really, really hectic around here lately. I mean, my parents are FINALLY getting divorced or whatever, and I have to help my mum try and find a place to live, and the cheapest place to rent is at $300 a week, and mum only earns $900 a week, which means we'll be cut down to $600, and then you gotta take away another $300 for bills and food, so that leaves us with hardly anything and it's really, really stressful. _(cries)_ Plus Akira (my laptop. What? I'm allowed to name my electronics! My heater's name is Aros, for Christ's sake!) has been going on the fritz. Again. Lost a lot of writing a few nights ago… and the Rainbow Swirly Wheel of Doom is being extra evil. Next up: Hot Pepper from RavenPaine.

So I'll be disappearing for a while.

---

Riku had first met Sora at his father's second wedding. After all, Cloud Strife, Sora's 'Mother', was his own father's best man. Sephiroth had known Cloud since they were five, apparently. Riku could remember standing, fidgeting slightly, as most six-year-old boys will do when bored, next to the large table that held all of the wedding presents. He had been trying hard not to cry, but it was hard. He didn't understand why his papa was marrying this other lady. What about their mama? She had just gone to sleep for a little while. What would happen when she woke up? He had told his fears to his older brothers', Loz, Kadaj and Yazoo, who were four years older than Riku, and they had just said, sadly, that mama wasn't gonna be waking up. But Riku was stubborn. He could remember, firmly, that his mama had promised to stay with him all the time. So why wasn't she here now, stopping papa from marrying this other lady?

A small tear had slipped down his pale cheek, and he had sniffled slightly. He looked up at the wedding guests, all of them dressed in white and blue and red and other colours, all of them smiling and laughing and congratulating his papa. Didn't they care that mama was going to be upset?

"Are you awight?"

Riku had turned around, and laid eyes upon a smaller boy with messy brown spikes and bright blue eyes. He was dressed in an adorable black suit, complete with a white daisy in his pocket. Riku, too, had been dressed in a suit, save it was white. Mama had always loved white.

Riku blinked, and realised maybe this person could help him!

"Nwo! I'm not awight! Papa is being silly! He's forgetted about mama!" Riku exclaimed, waving his hands about. The boy had cocked his head to one side, and asked, "Why would your papa forgetted about ywour mama? Isn't swhe over there next ta him?"

Riku had paused. He glanced over to his father's new wife, with her bright blue eyes and short blonde hair, and then back at the boy. "Nwo, silly. My mama's gone ta sleep. Papa thinks she isn't gonnwa wake up!"

"How long has your mama been awsleep?" The boy asked. Riku had pouted, and replied, "Two years. But she'll cwome back!"

The boy had looked at Riku sadly, and murmured, "Ywou know she isn't gonnwa wake up. My mummy says you shouldwn't hold onto the past. I thwink you're doin' that"

Riku had frozen, knowing this boy was right. He had watched mama be lowered into the ground, after all. And after that no one had really been there for him like mama had been. His brothers' had their friends, and his papa had Larxene, but he'd had no one. Just a stuffed teddy called Ansem the Wise and mama's memory. So he had deluded himself, convinced that mama was just sleeping and that she'd come back soon and look after her little boy again. Riku felt more tears gather in the corners of his eyes, and he had whispered, "But if mama doesn't wake up I'll be all alone"

The boy had blinked his too-big blue eyes, and then said, "I won't let you bwe alone!"

Riku had sniffled, "I don't even know ywou…"

"Sowra"

Riku blinked, and looked up. "What?"

"My name is Sowra. Now you know me!" Sora smiled. Riku felt his heart flutter, and he had to smile. "My name's Wiku"

---

A few hours later, during dinner, Sephiroth had an announcement to make. The tall man stood up, and he smiled. On his left side sat Larxene and her daughter, Naminé, and on his right was Loz, Kadaj, Yazoo and Riku, who had Sora seated next to him. Next to Sora sat Cloud, and then Leon, Sora's big brother and Cloud's husband. Next to Naminé sat Kairi, her cousin, and Kairi's parents, Olette and Pence. Olette had been the maid of honour.

"First of all" Sephiroth smiled, raising his glass, "I would like to propose a toast to my new wife, Larxene"

"Hear hear!" Everyone laughed, and they drank their wine. Waiters rushed forward, and refilled their glasses.

"Second, I would like to make a speech" Sephiroth said. "As many of you know, I lost my first wife, my beautiful Ayumi, two years ago to cancer. I understand that she can never be replaced in our hearts, but Larxene here had helped make the pain and loss disappear. A hole still remains, though, but I never want the hole to be filled. Ayumi bought four beautiful boys' into this world, my sons', Loz, Kadaj, Yazoo and my youngest - and Ayumi's most precious - Riku. These are my living remnants of her, and I can only hope the best to them"

Sephiroth then turned around and plucked a white box from the gift table behind him. He then turned back around, and placed the box in Larxene's hands. "I gift from all five of us. This was precious to Ayumi, and we can only hope it will become precious to you"

Larxene smiled, and opened the box. Inside was an ebony box with silver swirls smothering the surface. Riku's eyes widened in recognition, and he could only watch as Larxene opened the jewellery box, revealing a soft red velvet inside and a thin, delicate silver chain on which a glistening blue locket swung. That… that was mama's box! Mama had said Riku was supposed to look after that box, and it had disappeared last year…

Riku felt a fresh wave of anger, and he stood up on his chair, and yelled, tears in his eyes, "That's _mama's_ box! Dwon't touch it!"

He then pointed at his shocked father, and shouted, "Ywou stoled it offa me! Mama said I hwad to lwook after her box! Buts ywou stoled it!"

"Yweah! Give it bwack to Wiku!" Sora yelled in an agreement. Cloud placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, but Sora was angry. That was Riku's box!

Sephiroth stared at his youngest son in shock, watching as fat tears trailed down his cheeks. His bottom lip was thrust out, and he was shaking from the tears and anger. Sephiroth glanced at Larxene, who was blinking. Then a small smile spread across her lips, and she stood up. She walked over to the quietly sobbing boy, and said softly, "Your papa didn't realise it was your box. But it is yours, isn't it? Your mama gave it to you. So I'll give it back"

She then placed it in Riku's hands, and took her seat. Riku looked down at the pretty box, and clutched it tightly to his chest. It was all he had left of mama, now.

---

Sora smiled softly as he gently wound up the worn ebony box with it's pretty silver swirls, watching as his adopted son, Roxas, who was seven, danced to the soft tune that it sang with his best friend, Axel. Riku looked out of the kitchen, and grinned. He pulled off his apron, and sidled up to his husband of five years. He bowed, causing Roxas and Axel to giggle, and said, "Care to dance, fair maiden?"

Sora laughed, and took Riku's hand. "Why, of course good sir"


	7. Object Number Seven: Hot Pepper

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM

Warnings: Rambling…

Author's Notes: Gotta update Vacations, Love and Scheming Redheads soon…

Anyways, here you all go! Sorry for taking forever. This was suggested by RavenPaine. Next up: Frogs, from Shipizle. And then Urinals from Disbanded Matrimony. And then Ribbon from my wonderful namikun and then Watermelon from Sofricus Aurora Zakuro. And then we die. That's only eleven. Need four more.

----

It was the perfect revenge, Axel thought gleefully. He'd get Riku back for telling Roxas that Axel had a foot fetish, effectively scaring off the blonde boy. Axel cackled, causing several people to turn and give him an odd glance, wondering what on the earth the redheaded twig was so happy about. Grinning, Axel piled several different types of hot pepper into his trolley, adding to the mound of peppers, garlic and chillies. Oh yes, Riku would _pay_, and pay dearly. Mwu ha ha ha…

"Axel, why are you leering at the chocolate syrup?"

Axel blinked, and glanced over to Demyx, who happened to work at the grocery store. Axel smirked, and replied, "Because, Demyx, I am about to extract my revenge at last! Mwu ha ha ha!!"

Demyx snorted, and sighed, "Axel, Riku had every right to tell Roxas that… I mean, you told Sora that Riku was actually a transvestite…"

Axel grinned dreamily, and crooned, "Oh yeah… heh heh… but that was in retaliation of Riku telling Rox about The Gerbil Incident"

Demyx blinked. "The… Gerbil Incident…?"

Axel nodded sadly, and placed his hand over his heart. "May Vincent rest in peace"

"I thought Vincent was Riku's old pet tomato that Sephiroth sort-of-purposely-accidentally-maimed…" Demyx replied, cocking his head to one side. Axel nodded again, and placed two bottles of 'Chobi's Extra Hot Pepper Sauce' in his trolley.

"Yeah… but when we saw that gerbil in the pet shop window the first thing that Riku said was, 'It's a gerbil version of Vinnie!'… I didn't see any resemblance… but whatever… so we bought the gerbil, and Riku named him Vincent the III" Axel explained, and he pushed his trolley into the next aisle. Demyx followed, and interested look on his face.

"Who was Vincent the II?" The mullet-haired boy asked, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Vincent the II was a toaster," Axel mumbled, picking up a packet of marshmallows and inspecting them. He smiled, and added four packets of the delicious white puffs of sugar to his trolley.

Demyx sputtered, and blurted, "You made a toaster come to life?"

This earned the boy some odd stares, but he ignored them in favour of Axel's reply. "No… that was Riku's grandfather… the weirdo came to visit us a few years ago… and he's some big-shot scientist… you know that geo-stigma disease? Yeah, he found the cure for it… anyways, he came to visit for about a week before Sephiroth found out and attempted to kill the guy… and he bought our toaster to life…I think his name was Hojo something… I understand why Sephiroth hates the guy… total freak… that and he made off with my socks all the time… damn sock colony… can't get the things damn out from under my bed… I had to buy three new pairs after Sephiroth threw the guy out…" Axel said. Demyx blinked. Realised something. Pointed that something out.

"I thought Sephiroth was an orphan"

Axel snorted, and answered, "Yeah… funny thing is, we thought that too. But you should've seen the guy, Dem. He had the same facial features as Riku and everything. That and we spent the majority of the afternoon thinking he was the plumber. We were getting really pissed off and Riku goes, 'Listen, fucker, are you going to fix our toilet or are you gonna keep staring at my fucking ass? You can't have it. It belongs to Sora. NOW FIX OUR FUCKING TOILET!' and Hojo says, 'What makes you think I'm the plumber? I mean, I have three suitcases! Don't you recognise your own grandfather, Kadaj?!'"

Demyx winced. He knew Riku hated it when people mixed him up with his older brother/s. Really, though, it was his own fault for looking like a cross between Kadaj, Yazoo and their creepy cousin, Murluxia, who claimed that he was the four boys' (Loz was Riku's oldest brother and perhaps the only one who didn't look like his father and brother, save his silver hair) mother. But Murluxia was in a mental institute, getting it on with Larxene, who happened to be Demyx's older sister.

"Why isn't Mr. Hojo dead?" Demyx asked. Axel snorted, "Oh, he is. I think. Seph beat him up pretty bad when he found out"

"How'd he find out?"

Axel blinked, and his eyes took on a clouded look. He shuddered, and muttered, "He came to visit. You should have seen his face when Hojo opened the door. Hojo screamed like a girl, and Sephiroth was all, 'STOP TORRORIZING MY SONS AND THEIR VARIOUS ROOMMATES!' and then he dragged Hojo outside and beat the banana outa him. It was cool… but we were kicked out of the apartment the next day"

"Oh" Demyx murmured. But then a gigantic grin spilt Axel's face in two, and he announced, "But Seph made us cornflake-cookies!"

"… you're excited about that?" Demyx asked, raising an eyebrow. Axel snorted.

"Fuck no. But we got three new pets!" Axel explained. Demyx blinked, and said, "You know, you and Riku must be the only people on the planet who've had a tomato, a toaster, and three cornflake-cookies as pets"

"And a talking banana" Axel added, as he dragged his trolley over to the check-out. Demyx smiled at the girl who was stationed there, and said, "I'll take over, Lu. You take a break"

The highly gothic girl shrugged, and stepped out from behind the counter, and walked off. Demyx slipped behind the counter, and took the bags of various items that Axel was unloading onto the conveyer belt. As he scanned them, he replied, "What'd the banana talk about?"

"The apple. It committed suicide because the apple wouldn't talk to it"

"… my best friends are crazy…" Demyx muttered.

---

Axel grinned as he crept into his shared kitchen, eyeing the simmering food that sat on the stovetop. He had payed Vexen to make a phone call to the apartment and keep Riku busy while he added his… _ingredients_. Silently cackling, Axel tore open the packet of chilli and tipped it over the pasta sauce. He added half a bottle of garlic seasoning, and three different types of pepper. He stirred it gently with the ladle, before raising it to his mouth and taking a sip. The inside of his mouth tingled with a slight burn, and Axel knew that if he could feel it, then Riku and Sora would feel it ten times over.

Smirking, Axel grabbed a beer from the fridge, and decided to go IM Roxas.

---

_2 hours later…_

---

"**ARGH!!!**"

"_AXEL_!!!"

Axel laughed, and pressed the enter key. Oh yes. Revenge was sweet.

Even if it meant waking up with no eyebrows…


	8. Object Number Eight: Frogs

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM. Tetsuya Nomura does.

Warnings: The utter madness this is all becoming.

Word Count: 507

Rating: K+

Author's Notes: It's my birthday on the 6th of December, so I was, naturally, pricing all of the stuff I wanted, and to get the entire series of Black Cat is gonna cost my relatives $180. So I've worked it out that dad'll get me the new camera, mum'll get me the new computer, and I'll con my aunts and uncles and cousins (of which I have many) to buy me the series. And I wanna see if I can get my cousin who lives in Japan to send me some KH doujinshi. Apart from that, my Kingdom Hearts manga should be coming any day now, so I'll be able to write KHI stuff because I hate the playing system with the first game. NO TRIANGLE BUTTON! I live for the triangle button.

Smeh. Yes, I like Vincent. This should be his last appearance, unless you want to see him again…?

Smeh.

Suggested by Shippizle. We then have Urinals by Disbanded Matrimony, ribbon from my wonderful namikun, and then watermelon by Sofricus Aurora Zakuro. So we're screwed. Unless we get someone new… well, to hell we go. Four more suggestions are needed. And then I might continue this. Who knows?

Go have a look at Family by Blind Oblivion! I'm co-writing it with RaosX, so naturally it's crazy.

----

It was green.

It was slimy.

It had demon eyes.

And it was coming Sora's way.

The ten-year-old boy scrabbled at the white marble tiles he had fallen on upon sighting the tiny creature, face twisted with fear and whimpering. The demon hopped forward twice, causing Sora's eyes to widen considerably. His breath caught in his throat, and his heart hammered against his chest.

"Oh God no…" He whimpered, face pale and covered in sweat. Suddenly the demon lunged forward, landing on Sora's knee. It looked Sora in the eye, and croaked.

"Ribbit"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Sora screamed. Riku, who had been cleaning out the demon's glass tank in the next room, stuck his head around the corner, and blinked.

"Sora, its just Lucrecia. She's not gonna hurt you. It's Vinnie you should be worried about" Riku sighed, running a hand through his hair. And, as if on cue, a loud scream was heard and a small red blur came flying into the room, fork raised in it's little green vine arms as it chased after a rogue cabbage, snarling with it's little red mouth and it's seven rows of pointed teeth. Said cabbage squealed in fear, and it rolled away and into the next room. Sephiroth, Riku's father, came pounding into the room, waving his spatula around wildly.

"That's right, you damn over-sized Brussels sprout! Run! I mean roll! EAT IT, VINCENT! EAT IT!!" Sephiroth screamed. Vincent gave its strange little war cry back, and suddenly there was a loud shriek and the walking tomato devoured the cabbage, which had been named Bob. Sora and Riku ignored all this, simply because it happened on a daily occurrence. It was just Sephiroth trying - trying being the key word here - to be a good father.

Besides, Sora still had to worry about the green amphibian that was STILL PERCHED ON HIS KNEE!

He opened his mouth to scream, but Riku came walking into the room. He gently plucked up the little frog, cradling it in his hands.

"See?" Riku smiled. "She won't hurt you"

Sora sighed, and muttered, "I still hate frogs"

Riku snorted, and wandered back into the living room, Sora following him. He placed Lucrecia back in her tank, and both boys settled down next to each other as they watch ed Vincent waltz into the room. The tomato stared wistfully up at Lucrecia, whimpering.

Sora rolled his eyes, and said, "I feel for Vinnie. He really loves that frog"

Riku nodded, "Hmm mmm"

Sora cocked his head to one side, and asked, "Riku? Do you think we'll ever love like that?"

Riku laughed, and said, "Yeah. And if that doesn't work I'll be the Vincent to your Lucrecia"

Sora smiled, and grabbed Riku's hand, intertwining their fingers. "I'd like that"

The BLT that made the mistake of walking in on Vincent then ruined the moment. The poor sandwich screamed as Vincent grabbed his handy fork and dashed after it.

"We can't ever have a serious moment, can we?" Sora sighed.

Riku smiled, and said, "Nope"


	9. Object Number Nine: Urinals

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM. Tetsuya Nomura does.

Warnings: Smex references. Yay!

Word Count: 234

Rating: T

Author's Notes: Suggested by Disbanded Matrimony. Then ribbons, watermelon, and ice. And a special one based on the creation of Vincent. Because it was asked for.

Special Announcement from Kira!:

As we slowly approach fifty reviews for this, Kira has decided that the person who reviews for the fiftieth time will get a 2000 word long one-shot at the end of this. Why? Because Kira doesn't really wanna end this little series, but she now has 'Rainbow' to concentrate on, along with the gift fics that only TWO people have told her of what they want. So now she has to make up a whole bunch of others for the people who say they don't want one but are gonna get one anyway.

---

In all truthfulness, Sora despised public bathrooms. They were filthy, the floor was almost always covered in some sort of liquid - he didn't want to think what the dank, foul smelling water really was - there was graffiti on the walls - AXEL AND ROXAS FOREVER - and the worst part about it was that because he was actually quite large down the bottom he got all kinds of rude comments from the other men who he had to share with. So Sora hated public restrooms with a passion, and had declared a secret war against them. But now he was starting to think that maybe they weren't too bad.

The reason?

The tall, well built pale stranger who stood next to him, dressed in a black business suit with the long silver hair and aqua eyes. The pale stranger who now eyeing his you-know-what with great interest.

"You know how to use that?" The stranger nodded at Mini-Sora, eyes glinting. The two men were completely alone in the relatively clean bathroom, both using the urinal.

Sora smirked, and replied, "Wanna see?"

The stranger grinned, and said, "Only if I get to see it every day from now on"

Sora smiled. "Naturally"

---

Now, when his friends asked him how he and Riku first met, Sora would tell them it was happened in a handy-capped stall in the bathroom of the Notlih Hotel.


	10. Object Number Ten: Ribbons

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM or Birth by Sleep or Coded or the other one. Tetsuya Nomura does.

Warnings: … usage of odd peoples…

Word Count: 868

Rating: T

Author's Notes: Oh. My. Yaoi. I can't believe I just did that! I used _Ven_ and _Terra_!! I… I… I don't know what to say… huh… (_dies_), Anyways this was suggested by namikun masaki. Then watermelon, ice and yaoi doujinshi/manga. And a special one based on the creation of Vincent. And that one-shot I promised. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a SOSE and Maths exam to study for, along with lots of science… I have to get some three weeks worth of work done within seven hours… God help me… and God help Yuri and Sora, the snails we're supposed to be studying for said science. And Sora isn't named from KH's Sora… it's named from my RP… here's a fun fact: Snails are of both sexes. There. Good bye.

Oh! I finally hit the fifty mark! W00T! Fifty fics in, what? I think I've been on for a year… so fifty fics in a year.

I'm secretly proud of myself.

Now, once again, goodbye.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was red. A long, red silky ribbon, lined with a slightly lighter red along the sides. It was about 2cm thick, and $4.50. Sora sighed, and he started to dig through his pockets, looking for a little extra cash. He withdrew his hand, and looked at the $3.25 in his palm. He chewed his bottom lip in frustration, before looking back at the ribbon. Behind him, Ven and Roxas, his two brothers, were looking at some thick, black material, trying to decide which would be best for their cosplay. Outside the store, Terra and Axel stood, Terra listening to his iPod, while Axel sneaked a cigarette. Sora pouted, and thought about how this had been the fifth time since their getting together he had actually remembered to get the ribbon, but hadn't been able to afford it. He looked at his two brothers' wrists; a thick ribbon tied around Ven's and a thinner one around Roxas', both ribbons red and undoubtedly expensive.

"Damnit to heck…" Sora muttered, and he shuffled over to the cheaper ones. He frowned, taking in their cotton textures. He cast a longing look at the silk ones, before reaching for a crappy cotton one. He winced as his fingers touched its rough texture, and he wondered if his newly acquired boyfriend would hate him for it. It was a stupid fad, really, but the giving of red ribbons to your boyfriend or girlfriend was a popular thing to do at his school. It stated that one was taken, and effectively kept the desperates at bay when prom rolled around. Terra had given Ven his ribbon two years ago, and it was faded and slightly torn. Roxas had gotten his only four months ago from Axel, and already it had dulled to a slight pink. Sora had always been slightly jealous, but now he had someone to give a ribbon to.

Sora had already gotten his own. It was silk, with silver trim. Small, almost invisible hearts had been stitched on in a lighter red, and 'RxS' had been hand sewn into a corner. It was beautiful, and Sora had almost cried in joy when he had seen it sitting in his locker, a small card saying, 'You're mine and I'm yours. I love you. See ya in SOSE -- Ri', next to it.

"Sora?" Sora blinked, and looked up at Ven. The boy stood there, his head cocked to one side, Terra behind him with his arms wrapped his waist. Sora blushed lightly, and stuttered, "Y… yeah?"

Ven nodded at the ribbon in Sora's hand, and said, "You… have someone?"

Sora looked down at his ribbon, and suddenly he felt his eyes burning. Roxas, having glanced over at his brother, jumped when he saw the tears start to fall from Sora's eyes. He rushed forward, joining Ven at Sora's side. Sora choked out, "Y--yeah. He's so wonderful… and I can't even afford a proper ribbon for him! And… he got me the most beautiful one I've ever seen… and I…"

Suddenly strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he was pulled from Ven and Roxas and into a strong, firm chest. The scent of new books and those raspberry sweets that he always chewed bombarded Sora's sense, and Riku murmured, "It's Ok, love. It's just a ribbon"

Sora let out another sob, and buried his head into Riku's chest. He could hear Axel's shocked gasps, and then he suddenly realised that Riku Tanaka, the most popular boy in school was holding him, and he had never told anyone.

Then Terra said, "Well. That's… unexpected…"

Sora sighed, and muttered, "Yeah. Guys', this is Riku, my boyfriend. Riku, these are the idiots I told you about". He didn't bother to remove himself from Riku, even when Terra shook Riku's hand. He felt safe, and warm… and it was like nothing could hurt him. It was made him love Riku so much, this utter contentment he felt around him.

"Ok… so we just discovered Sky-boy is dating Mr. Popular… the world must be ending" Axel joked, only to be kicked in the shin by both Roxas and Ven. Riku snorted, and then he gently pressed a kiss to Sora's forehead. He stood back, and Sora looked up at him. Riku smiled, and wiping away Sora's tears said, "Honestly, Sor. It's just a silly ribbon"

"But--" Sora started, only to be cut off by a pair of warm lips that made his legs turn to jelly. Riku then pulled back, and ruffling Sora's hair replied, "It's Ok. Anyways, love, I gotta run. Can't leave Leon in that bookstore with Cloud for too long. I don't feel like mopping up the proof of their love"

Sora nodded, and waved as Riku hurried to check out and purchased a roll of green silk. As soon as he left, Ven and Roxas were all over him, while Terra pressed his needed $1.25 into his palm.

---

A week later, everyone at school was gasping as they saw Riku Tanaka ditch his usual table to sit with someone else at lunch, and then two weeks later everyone was whispering as they saw Sora tie a red ribbon around Riku's wrist.


	11. Object Number Eleven: Watermelon

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II, CoM or Birth by Sleep. Tetsuya Nomura does.

Warnings: Smex! Again!

Rating: T

Word Count: 335

Author's Notes: Well, the fucking craptastic. Couldn't think of anything else for it, though. This was suggested by Sofricus Aurora Zakuro. Then we have ice and yaoi manga/doujinshi and model box (I think I know what that is) and then we need one more.

Ooooooh… yes, the suspense. Who shall get the last one? Stay tuned…

Ok, now I'm sounding like Nightmare-Stalker. Meh. Fall Out Boy inspires strange comments, damnit.

'We walk the plank on a sinking ship…'

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3 if anyone's interested. At last. I don't like Calypso.

-------------------------

Kairi Nakamura was a strong lover of all things yaoi. Whether it be the sex or the make-out scenes, just as long as there were two boys doing it, she was happy. Ecstatic, actually. She would burst into giggles, or, if with her twin sister, whip out her camera and start clicking. It was her life's dream to be a gay porn photographer, after all.

Now, she had five main couples she liked to stalk. The 'ukes' of these couples, save Leon, all came from the Leonhart family. Ven, the oldest of the triplets born to the family, was dating Terra, who happened to be the cousin of Riku, who was dating and sexing Sora, the middle triplet of the Leonhart family. Riku's best friend was Axel, who was dating and sexing (mainly sexing) Roxas, the youngest triplet. Both Riku and Terra were cousins of Zexion, who was with Demyx, the second oldest brother, and Cloud, Riku's older brother was with Leon, the oldest in the Leonhart family. It was all a confusing and very sexy mess of relatives.

Today's couple, Kairi had decided, was to be Sora and Riku. She had known the two boys all her life, and they didn't mind it when she started to take pictures of them. So, here she was, in Riku's backyard, a small trail of blood making it's way from her nose, camera held loose in her hand.

Why?

It seemed that both boys had decided to have some watermelon, which had probably escalated into food fight of sorts, which had now become what would make Kairi famous on the pornography market years later.

Sora was drenched in the sweet red juice, naked, while Riku leaned over him, drawing lazy circles on the inside of the brunette's thigh while lapping at the boy's throat. Riku, too, was covered in the sticky substance, and was only a pair of boxers away from being unclothed.

Needless to say, it was damn fucking _hot_.

No wonder Kairi's now a multimillionaire.


	12. Of Objects and Such: Note

I am immensely sorry. I am no longer interested in KH, and have decided to stop this little series of drabbles.

Please forgive me.


End file.
